do you know me?

because if you do you'd know that i love John Mayer. My love runs so deep he's forever on my body for life (i have the chorus to Heart of Life tattooed on the outskirts of both my arms).

His new album Battle Studies is out now and is a bit different from his past albums. He's evolved and it shows. many will say "i dont like it", "it's not the old John". Well i for one like every kind of John that has been out there for the public to see. the "sweet innocent guitar playing" John, the "i'm in the spot light a little bit more than usual and am dating jennifer anniston" John, the "i'm going to have a second band with a different style" John. All of these John's i love and will always love. Its a short album ( i no like) but thats ok.

all in all i give it 8.59 out of 10

heres a song im addicted to and you should grow to be as well

I'm seeing this time as a test

I'd say top 5 tests in fact. I'm going through some extreme financial struggles of which i don't think Ive ever been through in my life before. Major setbacks. I don't know if the Lord is saying something or if its just how life panned out but its something.

One minute i find myself saying the dependent old phrase "it's going to be ok, just let it go, it is what it is, play the cards you've been dealt and live with it." and on and on.. ya know.

And on the other hand i find myself saying the depressing old phrase "why me?, I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm so alone, this fucking sucks! theres nothing i can do, it's not gonna better, no one can help me." and on and on.. ya know.

so the problem is.. which do i go with? well I've gone with both. Sometimes at the same time. How you ask? well I'll say "it's going to be ok but I'm so alone", or "it is what it is but why me?!" get it now?

i find balance like that is good and bad. Like as i type this i don't know where to fall. do i stay optimistic (as i look at my calendar in my phone at all the things i have to do)?, or do i worry saying the same thing over and over and fall into a vicious cycle until i am finally able to come up for air and the same time worry about when I'll be able to come for that breath of air?

see?.. its flipping hard.

right now I'm at the "meh... it fucking sucks, i don't know what to do.. theres nothing i can do but i wanna do something about it so bad!" stage..

ill just keep writing, doing to school work and live each day taking what comes, good and or bad.

:/ & :)

My AffairLady

I'd like to have more than an affair with this woman but that's just for starters. Eliza Dushku is sensational in every way. From her younger days as an outcast cheerleader in "Bring It on" to her own show debut show on Fox 11 "Dollhouse", She has grown to be a very beautiful and seductive lady.. and i like ;)