i can't

i can't help thinking what might be
i can't help the yearning for what could be
i can't help it this time so maybe thats just it
maybe it's the thought alone that settles me to forfite
i think i'll just rest in solitude till you get here
or maybe if i wait too long i'll miss something i might have here.

oh dear, im so confused because i wanted you so
i still feel for something so maybe i still do, ya know?
maybe if you leave or i go then time will reveal whats meant for us
i see something in your eyes, past the lip balm and sultry lust
i see our hands intertwinded at any chance given
i see our lips connected yes this is what i invision

i can't help but want you
i can't help but think of you
i can't help myself to enough of you
so if i can't wait for you
then i can't have you.
i don't deserve to.

sick.

such a novel scholar as i holler words on to the page. in hopes that they may awake one day to save a space for me in your heart.

that was just a start to see how far it could get me. you get me. like no one else does. you shrug it off like yesterdays news.

those simple clues should be a clue for me to forget about you. be that as it may. i still thought of you today.

strangely enough ive yet to have enough. you've had it up to here with tricks and whose turn is it to pick where we eat tonight?

not a date? ah great. just a friendly reminder of what i'll never have with her.
dinner by candle light seems too bright for her. it seems too much to handle. too much of a scandal to consume when rumors blossom and bloom of how we fell in love in june.

but yet i can see a lot of life in you. i can see a lot of bright in you.
enough to guide me down the darkness stricken path of loneliness.

its happiness you posses so obsessed i've become so i guess im done.
my time is near, this too shall pass my dear.

for i fear that i am not the only who will love you. my only plea is that you'll just in the same love me.

i huddle for safety to hide from the light.
so bright it flashes like thunder in the night.
i hurry for shelter, but your arms were better.
im lost in the fight of whats wrong or right.
i take the place of pain in all its sorrow
i wait for a better tomorrow.
the sound of your voice haunts these halls
i search for you but yet fall short again.
im left to wish again
wanting again to see you here.
where you left me dear.
in all my misery i still see the beauty in you and me.

false hope i own
the reason im alone.

i can't.

i've seen the look in your eyes.
a thousand times as i pass you by.
as it were every other day.
to my dismay this was the way
you captured my heart.
you captured my soul
only to hold it tight.
but with all my might
i try to let go.
because only the lord knows
that this old story goes:
there once stood a girl
who loved enough for the whole world
but was burned too many times
now fine are her lines.
so i've seen that look in your eye
as i passed you by
a thousand times
to save myself
the hurt and pain
i walk around alone and mundane.
i may fight again one day to regain the strength to win the battle
the fact of the matter is...this.
if i give in, and let you win. then letting up on the war will be my biggest sin.

I refuse.

i refuse to let little disguises as help that are true underlines of hurtful jabs come between me and my quest of self fulfillment of happiness and peace. Sweat the small stuff I will not. Taking each day one by one I have not forgot. I do the best I can with what I have been given. What you fail to know, what others are completely aware of.

So for your lack in understanding and analyzing, I ignore you. Simply put. Though instructions given I will follow, anymore than that, you will not get from me. I sense intimidation or fear. And that my friend is sad. Snarky remarks and or comments will have no affect on me so move on to the next one.

this is not meant to be a soft poem.
simply a statement of how i feel.
this can be universal.
for any boss, co-worker, or peer you come across.

tell yourself, enough is enough.

why?

why mope and grope
dance and prance
rejoice and sing
of the blessings this world brings
why sobe and grunt
may i be blunt?
life could be worse
you could lay in a hearse
so morbid it sounds
but how profound
that life for you
may be none for sue.
or tom or jim
but more than a whim
you live again.
so rejoice and be happy
not cranky or nasty
kiss your loved ones
even your annoying little cousins
send a message of love
thank the skies above
that you can live another day
trust me, its better this way.
♥

im gonna love you.

jumbled together like flocks of a ______. whether you know you the fill in, fill me in as to how we came about to this point. jumbled i am, in confusion i swam to see the truth beaming like a lighthouse. but doubts blocked my vision so here it is my mission. to love you, like no one has ever loved you. come rain or come shine. famous words once sung on that old record player that you broke a year later after my departure.

i expressed that you were gonna love me, like no one was ever gonna love me, come rain or come shine. but then again who am i to make such a claim when at the time, you never claimed to be mine.

and so it begins, the story unfolds to write itself that in due time i'll find someone to love me, like no one has ever loved me, come rain or come shine.

i'll find my missing piece since peace is the last thing i posses. it goes to show you that i put the most important things in check. last but not lease, i will never cease to, find the one. the only one. my one. rain or come shine. she will be mine.