One minute i find myself saying the dependent old phrase "it's going to be ok, just let it go, it is what it is, play the cards you've been dealt and live with it." and on and on.. ya know.
And on the other hand i find myself saying the depressing old phrase "why me?, I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm so alone, this fucking sucks! theres nothing i can do, it's not gonna better, no one can help me." and on and on.. ya know.
so the problem is.. which do i go with? well I've gone with both. Sometimes at the same time. How you ask? well I'll say "it's going to be ok but I'm so alone", or "it is what it is but why me?!" get it now?
i find balance like that is good and bad. Like as i type this i don't know where to fall. do i stay optimistic (as i look at my calendar in my phone at all the things i have to do)?, or do i worry saying the same thing over and over and fall into a vicious cycle until i am finally able to come up for air and the same time worry about when I'll be able to come for that breath of air?
see?.. its flipping hard.
right now I'm at the "meh... it fucking sucks, i don't know what to do.. theres nothing i can do but i wanna do something about it so bad!" stage..
ill just keep writing, doing to school work and live each day taking what comes, good and or bad.
:/ & :)
