I'm..

im holding back what id really like to say.

(i want you. thats just it.. is that ok?)

im nothing more than human so thats all i've got

(id give you my last cent because to me you mean a lot)

im just a girl who protects whats truly valuable

(my heart is all i have left its the only thing semi salvageable)

im withdrawing the words of things to convey

(truth is im afraid you'll go away)

im not saying i lack feelings, im just.. in a tight spot

(just bare with me if it takes a while to reveal all ive got)

im willing to try if you are

(tell me you feel the same)

im.. im just not ready to fall beneath the surface

and theres no one to blame.

"the i ain'ts "

i ain't got the things that make your face covered in tears,

i ain't got the makings of the dreams created from fears,

i got everything you need but defeat.

to loose right now would leave me weak.

i ain't made of steal i promise.

i ain't less of a woman if i fail to feel..honest.

i got a life to live with space for another

so take this hand and be the other.

i ain't got a problem too big to solve

i aint the one to put up a wall

i got what it takes to capture your smile

place it over my heart and let it sit for a while.

so if this message should make it on time, i ain't sayin nothing but "but be mine"

♥

today

what have you triggered in me? such a simple state of being has me at the plank ready to dive into a pool of everything but misery. Because this blissful scenery has taken me to the point of a euphoric state. And i'd hate to let is pass. so much sass that i just cant handle that thought of the moment we lost touch of, what was most important to us.

the trust we had, the oo's and ahh's and fa la la's that made me happy to put the second on pause. i stood there and watched you dance, prance even since this is the season for giving, i will give you my all and together we can watch the leaves fall..

forgive my cheesy scheme to create this rhyme thing, its just that well, i feel what i mean and the hearts telling me that this is the next best thing to that song im tempted to sing.. to you. its the one with all those melodies and harmonious flows and ..well you know how it goes. we turned it up as loud as it could go just to say "oh oh ,oh , oh"

but.. oh well. the time passed us by and left me on the tips of my toes with just enough muster in my soul to ask for one more go.

what do you say?

not today?

ok..

i guess ill just wait then.. but since when did this turn into a plutonic friendship? some things are better when courted by a feller or fella or whatever is betta...

no real structure to the way my heart flutters. i just does what it does with the love from others

♥

speak.

i dream of relocating to a plush land that only day dreamers and lazy thinkers scheme of.

i dream of participating in a love battle that unravels as the hour dwindles down like the wicker of the now less than thicker candle and if you cant handle the heat i place upon these sheets then whisper here to signal the arrival of a slow pace touch and taste game.

the bionic body that you placed in front of me forces the retraction of my knees to the most humble position as i take those legs for the kissin and ill do much more than nibble and let me show ya how the slow and steady win the race. the only fast pace thats at stake is the sound of our hearts that race till the end of time and like a fine wine that has settled and chilled if you will for me lay your head to rest. take ya time cuz we gon be here for a while..

the sweetness stings like the brightest bee and to thee i beg no mercy and what is this kind of hold you have on me? i buckle under pressure and add up to measure the worth of every ounce of your being. theres so much i want to do today and i can show you much better than i can say.

show you much better than i can.......say

i feel you..

2 souls met at the bus stop one cold afternoon. the june gloom had past and so they swooned. knowinlgy they each possessd what the other wanted they commence in a dance of the heart but some was daunted.

a faint cloud appeard and pierced the heart of the weaker. weeks passed into months and thus the dance of the skeleton left em hell bent on staying strong for one another knew they have found that other.. lover.

each being seeing something else they felt that spark was lost. such a cost to much to be paid with lives up for grabs they made a quick dash for cover.

one stayed at the bus stop in hopes of her return.

soon did she learn that it was her soul she'd yern.. for

and once more her heart grew sore for the body that left her for more. some thing she couldnt quite see. blinded by fake perfection she's destined for greatness. so take this leason and heal from it.

bask in its greatness.

run from the shallowness.

elevation and transformation are in store for the dove who soars above the mundain and to feel her pain i sit and hold her hand because i too have much to gain from the traveling down that broken lane.

to know me.

merry go around and just now this wave of emotion hit me pound for pound and there i go down like a ton of bricks

just kick me aside but im too young to die i was meant to fly high but i barely drive by to say hi so ..

i know its only fair to leave me standing there but.. on to the next one. on to the best one. lest one tests me then she might jest be the only to die slowly and only god knows me.

i can't seem to escape this.. this empty bliss of different kisses, such scents ring a new alarm and im sorry my fair lady i mean no harm..

i cant help but travel the globe and plant my seed of lust with every being i see and gee... i kinda wish you were here with me but... on to the next one. on to the best one. lest one tests me then she might jest be the only to die slowly and... only god knows me.

know me is to leave me...alone because im better that way. i stay afloat just about sea level to leave you trouble because to play your hands its double or nothing but ill leave ya wit something.. a picture of me blowin a kiss...right... her way.

cuz like i said.

im only fed the spoon to the next lover that makes my heart swoon

but soon she'll be the past like last yesterdays trash

but no no she's so not trashy, she's the golden ticket that lifted my spirit but to have her own my heart forever had me livid.

so i said.. "give it."

cant help but travel the globe and plant my seed of lust with every being i see and gee... i kinda wish you were here with but... on to the next one. on to the best one. lest one tests me then she might jest be the only to die slowly and... only god knows me.

i cried on the bathroom floor

because the moment reality hit me i had no choice but to belt out from within till my eyes became sore. Oh, i can be such a bore with exclamations of past revelations since nothing became true and this just in, nothing is new, with me at least. I seem to be in a funk, and its pilled up to the point of a minor explosion and i hold it in and, this just in, nothing is as it should be. Well , with me at least.

i speak for myself. im stressed and yet i try to stay positive but im negatively holding on to the lack of visible possibilities. visually i see everything in line for me and it scares me to see it out of reach.

teach me, heal me, love me, touch me.

tears fall on a pad in mid sentence and hence the hurt begins. blood flows down every row of pre-mapped sorrow so fall in line and spare the rest of the hurt and excuses but lets try not to be useless in a world of over exposed usage and you said that everything would be ok.

that word never slipped past me so easily, the sound of such a word that rung in my ear and hear me clearly when i say that that IM NOT OK.

and yes, i hear you loudly when you define the meaning of life in pre-approved pathways if we just say let it be but thats just not for me.

i like to be worry free but thats just not for me.

i like to see me happy but as of now thats just not for me.

and for the time being im praying, wishing, hoping, that every second im on this earth i can feel that much happier than the moment previous and make up for lost time i could have spent running free and.. well... happy.

this just in, im out.

A.S.

what needed to be said was spoken, and the last thing that rung true may have left a heart broken. if not for the truth then the mending process would cease to exist. but that doesn't fade away the feelings for that longing kiss.

no sudden change in emotions from tense to relax, i just sit back in a pensive state and contemplate the destruction that left me with a lack of air to grasp.

i wonder whats on her mind and at times feel estranged to arrange a soft melody to play along those fallen tears and to hear her say those things only brings me to the dreadful conclusion that.... maybe it was an illusion.

that maybe everything i longed and hoped for was so far away for a reason.

because the space it takes for me to travel the world and search for your heart leaves me with that same time span to understand that i can't have everything i wanted and i thought of it.. last night when i took flight in the clouds and came crashing down and all that surrounded me was... nothing.

im all alone to grow, to think in my on fortitude and how rude of anything to think that i have came so far as to be the only one whose left this place with the feeling of a job not well done.

so much to do in a sense that i feel overwhelmed and at the same time i feel as though time stops when i get butterflies and a wave of sighs pass my by...

im not happy, not complacent even.

im just trying to understand this feelin of .. of what have i done?

has a new chapter begun in the element of what has yet to become? of us?

im trying to trust in everything that i can believe in and yet again this moment has arose that pushes me at a crossroad of peace or sin.

how you see me as something for the future i may never know.

i guess thats something that God will reveal and show.

to me a blessing so good i sometimes can't see..

until it's too late and it's left me in the wind with regret and misery.

i just hope that this isn't one of those races, where im chasing the dream only to get passed up by reoccuring faces, such as defeat, loss, and what is the cost when you give up in the end?

thats a question i'd rather not answer.

just say at the end of the day that with all my faults you will still see me as that human being you feel in like with and i promise that i'll return the favor with an endless supply of kisses...

if that should not be enough then for you i'll extend my deepest love.

W.I.M.

woah. is. me.

in other words living on a whim.

at this moment in time it's either sink or swim

and if im down for the win then real me in.

neck and neck up to my chest

pressure so thick this time im not my best

im lacking clear judgement overdue for a rest

at every corner i face tragic confusion

is this optimism just a mire illusion?

or am i just prepping for a cosmic fusion?

so simple i play my hand

but too simple it may be can lead to a fallen man

solider, hold her.

i can't.

i want to.

kiss you, touch you.

i can't.

obstacles r getting in the way

sadly they are things i must pay..

for this might be the only way

that i can communicate my desire to ...

take you higher.

delay this flight

because i might...just.

bust.

a folding hand has been placed in front of my threshold

and still i know that i must soon mold tobyour shape and thank the heavens above that soon you could be my love.

BUT.

woah. is. me.

i just want to feel free.

but sadly.

it is I.

me.

who stands in the way of my highly anticipated victory.

f ups, and downfalls seem to await me at a crack in the path

and you do the math.

what is there for a girl who walks along half weak and half strong?

i push it aside in stride of my pride and break only once, and trust me when i say that i rarely stay that way.

my problems my own, only my mind left to condone, for the stupid decisions that have caked me so. will i overcome them? someone has to know.

and if so,

is it possible

to relay the answer to this long lost soul.

because i too feel the need to grow.

evolve from this mind and find the right kind of elevation that helps me escape this wretched procrastination and horrid nation.

forgive me for such an ill planned plot i just felt the need to jot down what had me, well, down...

AS

love birds are in bloom and as the sun sets im bound to think of you, golden skin melts on my canvas and we'll feel the breeze blow in. Love birds are just around the corner and soon we'll be able to soar above the city lights and with all my might i'll carry you all the way as we take flight.

so different this may be if it's I you want to be, with then lets sip from the same glass and share the lovely blending of everything we have seen and late at night i dream of you, and i. so high i find myself and never lay me to rest like a secret remedy on the shelf.

i'd like to treat you to a delectable treat called love. lets nibble together but be my guest to indulge to your hearts desire because my love gets all she wants and in every hour i find more power to keep my vanity charged and you are by far the best thing that has come my way since the beginning of the day, like the sun rays that grace your beautiful face, i paint a perfect picture and kiss your neck and slither out of bed, but true beauty needs no sleep, so deep i've found myself that i've lost hope of regaining solid ground, and dare i say it you found me in the moment where i declare it's heaven sent.

lord knows im confused as the next fool but you show me that you're the way to happiness so guide me in and real me with a kiss and the day you walk away is a day i wont forget, so promise your heart from now till eternity and i'll return the exchange with a fair range of ooo's and aahh's and fa la la's because baby you're my ... "supa sta"

my fear and doubt is dwindling like the candle on the window pane and when i hear your name there goes a flutter of emotion like the truest devotion i wanna give my all to you, because its the trust that rings true.

random as this poem is as timely as this encounter lives, i live through every chance we take and every day we embark i know that from the start you are, again, by far the best thing i know.

im unaware of my actions the moment we kiss but im alert as ever of the feelings that come with.

♥

A.S.

blessings come in such a marvelous form. cruel and lovely they manifest within chest never leaving me alone.

the cure of the a love found yet lacking a peaceful sound bites in my ear send waves of messages telling me that this is just a test and if i pass then you and i can skip class and skip down the hallway to the pathway of our future.

to tell her im scared would be an understatement because im so impatient and to have us waiting leaves me hating every second im not there to touch your hair and this just isnt fair.

i longed for so long to have someone understand the complex workings of my being and to be handed such a gift without a key to see what there is for me has me with the dreadful uncertainty of if this will be.

i pray for change, rearrange these thoughts and actions in my brain so that one night of sleep i arise sane, in my own compartment and yet i feel a tad lethargic, and just crazy that this girl could be my lady!

she's just as crazy as i because we both feel the need, the need for speed as we zoom down the path together and what if she's all i ever needed. lets cool our jets before this thing gets too heated.

let this bake like the sweetest soufflé and one day, yeah one day that make believe date to your secret garden will be a reality. and just for me you'll sing a song of how you waited so long for a gal like me to come along.

♥

scattered

my mind is going a million a second and sit back and take in this lesson

i dabble in the mess n just like that i lost the plan. plan A was second to B but she was the only thing i could see so this only left me with the grave uncertainty to have A lady leave me.

broke the heart shattered to pieces and i gather the memories n reasons as to why i should be the one leavin, and she said to me "why are you so deceivin?" I stumbled on the ground alone and found my heart impounded and all around it was the silhouette of the love we made and were i use to lay my head. but sooner than later it would be found dead

i hate to say it ended this way

so cold and fractured

but shouldn't it be that apology is all that matters?

as a matter of fact just like that, wait, i like that, thats where the money at.

off track again, time to pick up a pen n think again about the wonders of our heavenly sin.

should it be that eventually, you and i will become intertwined and inevitably i see that the best has yet to set sail and put up the bail and if i fail to deliver the goods then leave as you should. But if I were you i would seal the night with a kiss and a bye bye so again set sail and fly high among the sky and leave this lustful loser behind because this is the time to declare your moment and scream "mine!"

just a blurb

thunder falls yet lightening stalls to see what hand may turn to play, whether to pour out rage or commit to another delay. such a game i face when left with this pace-ful graceful face that i seem to encounter and every hour on the double i find myself in trouble because i cant muster up enough courage to make it over the hurdle.

its such a painstaking decision when left with a mission of what to do with my heart. and.. from the start, well i fell short of weary and you were just so.. dreamy that i had to say something and and this thing, well, did i tell you i fell short of.. oh right i did.

i kid with the repetitiveness and offer this kiss. if you should happen to take it then make it last forever because sooner or later we'll savor the sweet favor of this thing they call....

ohh whats the use in the misuse of attraction the laws of such may have a slight infraction due to the imperfection of life we are all forced to sign away our hearts and from the start you had a sliver of my heart. i kept most so i remained a host of the unknown so just in case i end up alone i know its no ones fault but my own.

melody

bask in the glory of the moment and when it dawns that she gone then the moment cant last too long. She takes the sunshine in her pocket sails like a rocket, and just like that i lost it, lost my composure, felt the empty the air from where i use to hold her. Could it be this reason or season that has me feeling this crazy, lazy, hazy, hey baby..

hey baby. you should be my lady

not another second too soon or you'lll miss the the blessing resting on your shoulder telling to you stop for second and smell the flower, final hour to make a decision, take this gift for the givin. transic transit pulls to your station board the dreams and pick pocket the goodies, exit the train track and sit back, swim with the little buddies, they keep you a float never alone to condone those lonely thoughts that had too bad you were sad, i would've been there to kiss those lips, it's you i miss.

it's you i miss. wait for it. then savor it.

when the moment comes it wont be long before the sun rises and to be honest you be the flyest chic. i bet on the sunset to check with you in my final hour that we can walk as one and channel this infinite power. so overwhelming the thought of the only shot i have to grab you by the hand and whisper in ya ear

hey baby. you should be my lady.

so, is this whats left of this game? magic roll of the dice and puff in the dark your gone, waited so long for an epiphany to land on me, to place that tiffany on your pinky, but then you run back to keep me thinking that maybe we should wait. to see if theres enough gas in the tank to keep on keepin on, im antsy so the crafts keep my sanity in tact, lay back and knock on the beats, i write what im too chicken shit to say find a way to creatively deviously have you land upon my work. then spin you around and say

hey baby. you should be my lady.

whats worse?

trying so hard then failing in the end?

or trying so hard while knowing you still won't win?

i felt another dagger to the heart, nothing new like the last

hopeful once again about the future, but, nothing new like my past.

who am i to think that i'd ever find the one?

leave me alone, don't talk to me, im done.

done trying to stay optimistic, done trying to believe

because when you've given all you've got, & still don't succeed,

thats worst damage done, the worst kind of action, the kind that makes your soul bleed.

yes im down

yes im sad

yes i'd rather moup

due to things i've never had.

dont tell me things will get better, because you speak from experience. I've yet to know the feeling hence....

I've yet to know the feeling of commitment since...since i can't even remember since its yet to exist!

im angry, im upset, im depressed, im jealous, im annoyed, im hurt, im forgotten, tossed aside, any more adjectives and you'd lead me to die.

no im not suicidal just dispirited & downhearted

tonight might be the night were i sleep feeling exhausted.

tired, and confused as to what i can do.

companionless and emotionless

so what else can i do?

stuck sitting here with a puzzled look on my face, because i ache for another living soul to feel for me. selfish that sounds so excuse me.

so if you're reading this and find yourself saying "oh get over it", then imagine your life without your numerous lovers and past confidantes, and tell me then how to "get over it."

dropped.

i can see the fog lifting from my eye, like a huge disguise i climb to the highest peak and sneak at the future and there for me was her. Left standing on a rock with a frame so hot i had no choice to mock all that attempted to infiltrate something so gifted and all in a moments glance she gets me lifted to a more heavenly plank and drops me off to think...

she dropped me off to think.

she dropped me.

**

hypnotized me picked me up again, twirled me around her little finger and promised me we'd sin, But then again, who am i to know that she wouldn't give her love to the highest bidder, because everyone knows that what glitters isn't always gold and just that thought alone leaves me bitter. I'm just trying to get mine so please don't leave me behind, left to die, or left to sink. but just like that she dropped me off to think.

she dropped me off to think.

she dropped me.

**

personal

i sit at this table too frozen to move, one simple touch couldn't have come at a moment too soon. I'm aboard a ship thats overflowing with emotions so dense it could sink. Realizing my future potential has me at stance. So i think. Who am i in this world? who dares to care of the effect i have? i'm just some random girl. With connections so intertwined i suffocate from confusion, people past with a smile painted on you extend a faulty illusion. I've concluded that the best way to let me live is to keep your hurtful words muted. I hang on to every single word you say as if to offer guidance like the selfless bird, that flies above my head grazing the earth and bypassing the skies in all its worth. And to see you smile is worth the trip that took a year and one day and one day i'll see you and i pray not a minute too soon that you'll be mine and then, only then will everything be fine. Because no matter the stress causers the world may throw my way i know that once i graze upon you face everything will be ok.

{i need to make a confession. There is a girl, a unique special girl. A girl who "loves" me. I lack the solid proof to know what kind of love this is. But what i know for certain is that she..."loves" me. And to me, that should be all i need. In my greed I'm blind to this kind of love. It's the kind that few seem to find. They call it unconditional. Subliminal messages are tacked into every crevice of the time we've spent and I know she's found herself left to vent because she "loves" me. I circle the globe to find my love, questioning if she found hers. It kills me to know that it might be me. I search high and low and ignore her face staring into my soul. I toy with her emotions only for my sick advantage. Take her off the shelf like a doll and blow care to wind if i fail to catch her fall. I may not be her true love, but when someone "loves" me. what else should I see? Is there hope for me? maybe}

journey.

optimism never formed a frown when received bad news. She kept walking in hopes of you. Hopes and dreams of things unseen no matter the let downs or frowns that would beam whenever she spoke of a positive dream.

she knew her day would come even if she approached it alone. It was her own doing and beliveing that kept her stride strong. Her prayers and humbling attitude that lead her to know her princess would soon come along.

all around her matches made on earth, mis matches blamed at birth.

to the ineviatble go the faithful

but when my turn is up i curse the stars that aligned us so we would fall apart.

hands thrown to the sky and why oh why did it have to end like this, such a beautuful moment, so i froze it, in time we can heal the cracks, and avoid the things i lack, and make up for the fuck ups and just my luck to be dumb struck with gilt at that fact that i love.. you.

only you know the ways in which my heart beats off the normal path and runs wild and free, chaotically and frantically i run to thee so that one day you and i become... we.

we are the best thing to happen and just imagine when its all said and done, the fight is over, we won.

leave no stone untunred the mysterious blessings are hiddin in majestic crevice and just as i am about to take my exit i blow a kiss into the field and pray that you will feel the breeze direct its path and land on your lap. But soon i'll be there to place that peck on your neck and nuzzle my way to your lips and all those dips we passed along the scenery will be nothing but a long lost memory.

Song #3

"i'll pray"

water falls

down the window

wait for me

pain stays

love goes

so much hurt for me

i think that

i can be ok if i just let go

but when the world closes you off

thats just too

hard of a flow

i just wanna heal

see whats real

and think of the past when i use to feel

so ill pray for heaven to open its gates

and let me in and forget all my past frightful ways

a simple man once told me that i could go far off a single blink

so there i was left to think

if he's right when i awake what will my eyes see?

hopefully you standing there beside me..... if not..

ill pray for heaven to open its gates

and let me in and forget all my past frightful ways

ill pray for heaven to open its gates

and let me in and forget all my past frightful ways

i just wanna heal

see whats real

i just wanna heal

see whats real

and think of the past when i use to feel

and think of the past when i use to feel

song #2

"so funk"

hearts pacin

down floor

you and i

want some more

so come n get me

im all yours tonight

i cant wait to give it to you

give it to you right

so funky the beat now baby, just throw it my way n we'll do it all day

so funky the beat now baby, just throw it my way n we'll do it all day

i just cant wait no more

is what you hear me say.

you make body so sore

so this is our love today

sensual the kiss

so soft the touch

we have all day

so baby honey whats the rush

so funky the beat now baby, just throw it my way n we'll do it all day

so funky the beat now baby, just throw it my way n we'll do it all day

i give you every inch of me till you make me scream.................*Sigh*

ohh..ahhh...mmmmm.....uuhhhh. ohh baby.

*spoken word*

song #1

"right now"

if it could be

then let it be

cuz only i can see

that i need you right now with me

I searched all my life for something

that i could call my own

so many nights spent waitin for you

while being alone.

think back to past when we use to fool around,

sat next to ya made a pass then skipped class

just walk around town

one look had me sealed

one kiss landed the deal

who knew that heaven on earth could feel this real

so one thing is certain.......

i need you right now.

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

1 2 34

lets go back for more

i think that im addicted on ur gift

and i need a fix

1 2 34

lets go back for more

i think that im addicted on ur gift

and i need a fix

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

you said youd never go away from me

i believed you since the moment that you and i became we

i get so weak that i can barely speak

grant my desire and lets be together forver but till then

lets just have right now

when time is of the essence you touch becomes a blessing

i thank god for such a creation

so for that i cant help but become fixated

when we touch i scream from excitement my apologies i just cant help it!

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

1 2 34

lets go back for more

i think that im addicted on ur gift

and i need a fix

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

right nowww

stop..

stop expecting things from the hands of others.

once you learn this pattern your bound to move on to another.

Another better path with high hopes and strong confidence

a place were your praised & thanked, instead of mocked & dissed.

It'll take a while, for that i won't lie.

But the journey is worth it to be on cloud 9.

cloud 1, 2, 3, & 4 too!

whatever number means the most to you.

like the old saying goes, "go where you're appreciated not tolerated"

I've been on both extremes of that bit more than cared for, & not so much hated.

with bigger problems in my life that could span the globe,

why sweat the small stuff for all you know?

because the smallest things mean so much to me

i feed off of good vibes and even smaller victories.

like a great day with friends, or simple night in

the joy of resting my head at night knowing that today was a win.

a favor in my court to wear a smile on my face

instead of staking up the tension from embarrassment & disgrace.

a moment of peace in a world of chaos

as appose to a moment of grief & feeling of being lost.

i have things to be happy about, that much is true

but how would you feel if you constantly felt alone n like last years news?

im dramatic of course i won't deny that

but i have so much hurt that i can't hide that.

i stretch my heart to limits that aren't unhealthy

for the sake of keeping friends around to benefit me safely

i hate my "home"

i hate my "surroundings"

i hate my life right now

no matter how its sounding, i just hate everything everything right now.

why even try rationalizing.

one more sarcastic remark to test my patience is too much to take when at a moments break i find myself on the verge of breaking your neck n heck i just cant take it anymore. I try to prevent these past occurrence from being an eye sore, but these past festivities have become such a bore. Or, maybe it's more.

Maybe it's the company i've been kept, felt this irritation for so long that it's something worth noting. Show me who you really are without the glimmer and glam of a crackling star.

I'm over the bickering, and taunting of strangers who fail to keep your interest and fall into the pits of the things you think are "the shit." One day, a shot too soon, will my feelings ring true and i'll unleash this beast and map out the lies and trickery you all have poured unto me, but pitty me not. Consider it a selfish considerate deal. For i'll tell you how i feel, it'll be real, and then, from there i part ways. because i don't care to continue my days in such ways that convey drama among people who mean a tad more than much to me.

I deserve the highest of highs and the best of best, no longer should i put up with the bullshit and be left with the rest n left on my own, all alone, but "hey its ok, don't trip! i gotchu." nah, ill pass but heres a big fuck you!

i may not ever express myself in the form of my liking but i pray to GOD i have the strength to overcome this urge of fighting with the right to settle for the wrong because i wanna believe it's were i belong. well not for long. I am too strong to hold myself back, i have too much potential to fall off track.

nothing left.

left her to think of my life and all its come too

the pain the misery the lust the lies dug through

i grab on and hold for dear life

so cliché to no ones dismay i pray for my wife

in hopes to hold her hand and walk side by side in all this luster

such shapes exist when dreams become reality with trust from one another.

i know it may take time like fine wine, but patience is no fun when all i wanna do is make you mine

lust after you and take you for my own, become lost in our thoughts & so whats left to condone?

leave that stone unturned and expose the truth, that what lies beneath are creeps & fools.

i spoil myself with images of compassion so soil yourself with images of passion.

randomly i evoke my feelings so you too may understand what i'm feeling.

i can be complicated and a bit overdone at times. so i extend apologies if you fail to feel fine.

see i do what i can when the time is right, not my fault that my clock was never right.

i fall two steps behind so I'm a too much to handle, lets ease into the evening with dinner by candle...light my fire and take me higher! i see everything like a clear dream and it's you that I've been waiting for like an unhealthy fiend.

numb i become left to fall on half of my being, understood I've yet to become, my thoughts and ideas go unseen. one song on repeat is all i need to conjure up every last inch of my creativity to all its longevity, till i pass out from the insanity, till i give in to the mortality....

that is me.

untitled.

naked as we came unaware was her name

she spoke to me in a dream to reveal her biggest pain.

under the tree we sat bare arms in all

her head to rest in my lap her sleepy eyes would fall.

forgetful her soul

of the stories untold.

but i dare not wake this sleeping beauty

rested so softly its my honor to hold her gently.

for this moment in time i feel peace as last

caress her face, soft kiss on the cheek such acts shall never pass.

we looked up into the sky so hopeful of ourselves

intertwined we became in emotions we fell.

forgetful her soul

of the stories untold.

but i dare not wake this sleeping beauty

rested so softly its my honor to hold her gently.

the night fell upon us with chills too soon to follow

i wrap myself around hers in anticipation of tomorrow.

i know nothing of the thoughts that flood her mind

but one this is for certain, tonight she is mine.

forgetful her soul

of the stories untold

but i dare not wake this sleeping beauty

rested so softly its my honor to hold her gently.

i was afraid this night would soon come to an end

i expressed my deepest regrets if my heart failed to mend

i hoped for reassurance from this lively vessel so i could breath again

little to my surprise was her lack of response and so i prayed for another day another night another chance to begin again

forgetful her soul

of stories untold

but i dare not wake this sleeping beauty

rested so softly its my honor to hold her gently.

it's my honor to hold her so gently.

tonight

like any other night, i walk the halls of my mundane imagination, left to pick up the trashed ideas and mold them into a vessel used to ship off to a land of boisterous lust, i must get there.

when this day is over i am left to sit along those walls of mundane imagination and ponder the wasted efforts used to dagger the hearts of the careless & forgettable. Forget it. its over. but when its over it'll be so good because thats how it should... be.

i cant see anything beyond the horizon so capture this moment and seal the lid, never expose it to anyone who dares to doubt the beauty that you say matters.

stomp on the hearts of the dream killers, those are the ones who trample the path of the victorious and thus must be thrown into the dust. i care too much to be engulfed by their hate, unaware they are they fuel my fire to reach hire, fulfill my desire.

my dear sir for this i ask are you for hire?

my level of irritation

never siezes to amaze me how high it can reach in a matter of seconds.

all it take is an instant irritation of unnecessary frustration from an annoying crustacean to have my mind blow up in amazement of how irritating she can be.

i keep it all in due to rules of "respect" but whats the use when i explode one day and she's no more and soon left for dead? Ok so i exaggerate a tad, i'd never kill her. I sure would love to choke the shit out of her!

can i do that at least?

please? please?

give me a reason to cease... fire?

ok i'll hire a hit-man and pay him as much as i can.

my dear lord.

i think its a wonderful thing when the realest thing becomes a dream foreseen and seen into the light the brightest of white, picture perfect was it worth it? let me work it. Yeah, its about that time again where the motions seem to bend and extend a careless whisper into my ear and tell me that my everything is gonna be ok my dear. I think it was his voice, the voice of choice, and to my sudden surprise he lifts me up to twirl me around never planning on hitting the ground.

in the hardest of hardships i dip out of the scenery and try to forget all that he's done for me but not for long because thats the worst way to miss a blessed day and so for that i say i couldn't have it any other way. I hate that i only boast of your goodness when a moment of peace creeps along, but this wont last for long, just long long enough for me realize my mistake of thinking your fake.

i keep you in my pocket like keepsake, and ill never forsake you, only bless you, and for those who lack on belief i wanna be the vessel that you speak through, if only one lonely soul should happen to glance upon this entry then for him i am link to your holy throne. never am i alone.

her.

how do you convince someone of something write

when all they see its the end of the burning light?

what do you say to a girl who confesses a heavy impression of past bad learned lessons?

i say i stay and wait to one day surface victorious

but to deny my freight would be the biggest downfall so if i make this jump, make it enormous

what do you say to a girl who confesses a heavy impression of past bad learned lessons?

i feel tension unlike the usual kind this is the eagerness calling

afraid of whats over the hill, so anxious & exaborant i become because i can feel myself falling

not in love of course but in like, this too is a danger journey and so too a fearful flight

freestyle

at this moment in time, im only able to say whats on my mind, a freestyle is in line to arrange this strange pain i feel to explain whats real, when, what do i really know about the all knowing magical, mystical, creature, this perfect feature, see, here, lays a girl,

who, curls to unfurl her latest disaster, step aside and the master take over. I fall off the track to smacked back and shape up, multiple slip ups like the occasional hik up, amateur flow but only he knows that these beats and rhymes fornicate the greatest thing in my bed, like a softest, jolliest comfiest, bed, but, instead i get tossed aside forgotten like last years pride.

replay that emotion so familiar it is to me since it was last thing that rang true to me. cancel all plans, refund to all fans, then tell dan that stan is the man. yeh stan is the man. dr. suess flow, simpology is how it goes, but if ya dont know now ya know ya know.

biggie biggie biggie cant ya see, that sometimes these girls just wanna sippy sippy sippy from the glass were i slipped them a mickey mickey. the room turns topsy turvy. race car derby style the crowd goes wild and how now brown cow can you tell me that this is bound this play a foul.

my mind is as wild as this rhyme is never makes sense sorta makes sense since my senses escape me then backs up to date me, then do a 180 n tell me that they hate me. man dont try n play me lady, im not that crazy. i got 2 cents in my pocket with a packet of dust, lust, trust me when i tell ya its all lies but what lies beneath the surface is another level of nervousness.

its the hebe jebies! the straight scabby creepy crawly mother sons of guns, that have ya just jiggling cuz this life is just too much fun. too much of a good thing can leave ya with a cruck in ya neck but heck, i aint had this much funs since the berlin wall came down and jack n jill went up that hill to fall like communism with a frown.

historically, i never gave a damn since i never had a prince or princess, i best try on my sundays best to offer up the congregation of prasin and prayer is what i need at the moment along with a fat stack of that fat cash.

i disappoint to the point where i miss the point to begin with. whose he here with? never mind the nonsense just light up the incense and pay respects to the fallen senseless and since this will be my last hit i'll pass the joint because like i said i disappoint to the point where...wait. what was my point?

new

when i think about it, i mean really think about it

i tap into this sort of element that i never thought i could imagine

its kinda like one of those random things that just..happen.

like a spat out of thin air you can't explain it

and, dare i say it.. i kinda like it.

then comes along this... thing. you know what i mean?

its not just a thing, its something created like out of a dream.

you know what i mean?

like in a weird way she was meant to walk my same pathway

and so there, there in that way she came to say me gustas

cuz thats the alternative language she speaks, yay or nay? (i say yay)

she arrived in a different package something unexpected.

so naturally i felt the urge to reject it, but.. check it.

i didnt! this chic is hip, but to my surprise i feel a certain crash flip

im not sure if im even suppose to feel like this.

butterflies in my stomach, just nervous n shit, im not suppose to feel like this.

she's of a different sign, obviously a sign unlike mine, but i can say with confidence she isnt fine.

she's beautiful, from the inside her soul shines and im left to swim in her mind like fine wine.

I'm one with the lines so me ponen nerviosa she's the perfect visual aid to aid me in taking the upper hand but yet i feel one step behind because like i said she isnt fine. she's beautiful, so for me its much more than a game of chess, its a chance to boast my best, and win the chance to have her rest on my chest

vamos a tomarlo con calma. creo que sería la mejor cosa que hacer

thats gonna be hard to do, its new to me, is it new to you?

patience never was my game but ill practice it day and night to try something new.

I can't explain randomness of this connection but heres a free lesson baby don't you even mention it.

this is not a poem.

just straight from the heart. I feel as if my life is falling apart in from of me. Things are happening that, well, i wanted to happen, so i should be happy, right?

Wrong. I'm just all over the place in every aspect of my life. In fact I feel like my L.I.F.E. stands for:

Lost

In

Failing

Efforts.

I just cant seem to get a grip. And at the moment I feel as though I have ZERO control of everything. One minute I'm positive, the next, I'm depressed. I know this wont last forever but it feels like it will. My mind, body, & soul feels alone.

And honestly I cant say anyone is to blame. The people that I've surrounded myself with have done nothing wrong but either its me over reacting and being over dramatic, or it really is time for a change.

Thats why I wanted so badly to get this job and move out but once again, I'm stuck in a room I hate being in that brings me NO peace, single as usual, & up to my neck in debt.

i really need to get back to praying.

moment of truth

set the scene feel the melting pot arise to the top and boil, or spoil the plot then clap ya hands then stomp ya feet cuz this is about to be the only realest thing we see, since the beginning of time the prime beast will set his feet off the pavement and then we will be wavin in amazement and the joyous sounds of the rumbling pounds that will come from everything that is holy.

now that we got the nonsense out of the way, back to the real stuff.

**********************

im on another platform, to see the damage done would leave you with a heart worm, Like the microscopic slick snake it'll adapt to its surroundings and give your soul a pounding for, it takes hold and molds to the inner soles of the feet to pave the pavement.

thrill seeker meets the quick thinker, indulge in the scenery and engulf everything you see, for it will never be as anything you have ever seen before. Embrace this skillfully branded, yet half crafted master plan to dib dab and frame the man, but man! it was all worth the moment to see his face blow up like a gasket and i dear this mutly basket to grab it, ill put his mind in a choke hold and seal the door and tell him don't back here no more.

**********************

theres this theme that goes, joe blows what he fails to care so there goes the only soul joe blow knows. I made that up to carry with me on a sinful journey but much less this path ill take turns into a blissful syhmpony. Because i want to desperately leave this all behind, and take what i feel is mine, and since the beginning of time my heart has told me that this body is mine.

so up i go, to pack my things, i hear the sound of my heart sing as prance around my surrounding, boasting and toasting and hoping that the things i sing will soon ring true. young as my heart old as my soul i feel i must leave so i too may know how living this life really feels. i can't stay suckling at the teet of those who guide me. its time i find my own pathway. and dare i say. be FREE.

time is a wasting

don't compromise whats gold when your soul is left be sold to highest, skies the limit so give it, i said give it, bet it aint so just anotha joe blow to strolls down with a frown alone and complain about what was once his own but never fear im right to tell you to never compromise whats gold when your soul is left to be sold to the highest, i fly the fliest, and best believe that i aim to achieve the only thing that pushed me to where her ring, but ding! ding! ding! you've won again! what did i win?

another ride amongst the clouds so be proud that all it took was one hand that had me shuck.

its about that time

Once again I come to this place where my inner most thoughts are replaced with this image of her face and I cant help but brace on the idea of her seeing me perform a song about well, her.

Here and now is where it should stay, a moment without heartache disassociate your fear and live here, with me, say that you'll be everything i need. Because in a moment of honesty I just reveal that you are more beautiful than a picture perfect scenery.

But all that might come to a halt of by no fault my own if you decide to condone the terrible act of leaving me alone. I carry along the pavement in sheer amazement of the haunting memory that seems to me to be the only thing that I have left of the you and i that...use to be.

100% random

is it i who sits awake at the screen and contemplate these things i have seen with my naked eye expose those lies and to my surprise they were all remakes of the regular dyes that flooded the airwaves masked as any other lover who uncovered the mystery and junk n hell who hasn't fallen into a funk and the woes and terrible foes of those who lost their head in the clouds amidst the foul crowd, but bow down and extend n upside down frown and turn this sucker around its time to head home, home alone is what i title this poem but poetry to me is more than just a lyrical symphony and word mixed together like a beloved rivalry and blended harmonies and we's we just like to get along and sing our songs of peace and dance, prance, stay in a trance of romance.

lead this road less followed but follow me if your an individual, so sensual the sensible, incredible edible egg. laugh it up. joke for a second, breathe. bring it right back to reality cuz actually, nothing is as it should be so envision this mission as a far out galaxy.

all i know is..

in a trance i stand

and man

i think of a girl who

well i think you knew

she. had this flow

i thought you should know

it threw me for a loop

just like that she dropped me fool

in a trance i stand

and man

you gotta meet her

official mind blower

i pray to be the receiver

cuz

man

all i know is that this

this is about the all knowing

all showing

in a trance i stand

and man

oh man.

i came..

now that im done i sit alone and ponder my thoughts. sucked into the pattern of such misery its hard to follow the pitter patter flow a blissful scenery. I scatter along in hopes to find my way, to say farewell to those dark demons and pack them away tightly.

all over the place with these thoughts of mine they seem to resurface at the randomness of times. mostly when im alone which seems be the usual so forgive my repetitiveness im a bit unusual. I fool you all with my sense of knowledge but little do thee know i fail short of the thrown and fall down all on my own.

i came once before but was left in a pool of nothing nice. it's what they like to call love. trickery is its best dish i take a slip and dive head first, cracked my head and bleed out my soul for anyone to take, dishes shatter from impact she said its just too much to take.

so she ran out the door never to look back or ask for more. poor poor she failed to know she was tethered to the floor left to bleed once more. how silly the foul to think she could leave this man doesn't she know how much this world is cruel?

he's here to save you! stay and never leave! you unpack your trust and dish it out throw it to the wolves, no one cares to keep it, since the values a bust. a girl calls her name from the window pane she scampers little dampers of light capture her heart. "we need to leave.." it was the light waves so frightening that kept her up at night. she heard "we need to leave.." and swore to take the next flight.

unshackle the chains and unleash the pain, she said "we need to leave.." so she knew it was the only way.

one shot in the dark, she dare not miss..

she knew never more would it be his kiss she'd miss..

one shot in the dark, she dare not miss..

she knew never more would she live like this..

one shot in the dark, she dare not miss..

all it took.

one shot.

i need it!

i fight myself from the tears i mask the pain so no one hears, this weeping lady falling to her knees, i pray for a new thats all i need. I can't take this life, this hand i've been dealt, give me a new hand, im not for these feeling being felt. Nothing makes sense, nothing feels right, so i think its best i just take flight. i make this simple not too complex, this point needs to be made, it's time to lay this past to rest.

im done with you, im done with you all!

i've received nothing from this time wasted, nothing at all!

keep it locked

i try not to leech on what could possibly be with something that seems to be drawn to me, but my nature has forced this kind of uncertainty to become my destiny so i fall weak on knees and pray for mercy.

be strong for the broken and one day i too will be chosen but times a tickin and im just so afraid its just sickenin, but then again, whats fair in this world consumed with sin. i pray for love, i pray for life as corny as this next line i pray for my wife.

is it too much to boast of the dreams ive had?

is it too much to scream out loud because im mad?

is it too much to hold in for fear of making her sad?

is it too much? good. im glad.

*************************************************

depression of all depressions sink in like an unwanted lesson. i take hold of the head board and pull up for air, hope to see her soon such a teaser like the scent of her hair. It blew in the wind to signify the end. I'm all tapped out, i'm at the end of my rope so to kiss your cheek again i see hope.

a sparkle of light, a flicker of love, i saw you the other day but yet it's just not the same. A lover lost is the worst of all, so dare i fall, into the souls of you all, to spread my desires and think of me when you seek out what it is that makes you go higher because I..I couldn't take it anymore.

im stronger no more, no more than the average man whose taken his last breath.

dime peice

seen a frame the other day not same mundain, nah, she was the ilest, realist eva thang i had eva sean.

she, had a walk that was made for a train, to follow her, wallow in her glory, looked like a queen straight outta 10 page centerfold story.

i approached wit caution cuz i knew she had heard it all, tryn not to fall under her spell, but still i fell.

my , my, my name is cuh, cuh, catrina, and uh its nice to meetcha. thats the best i had but still so glad that she glanced at my eyes with them thick ol thighs and to my surprise she conjured up her name.

she..conjured up her name.

and then, be fore i knew it, we sat down to kick it, spiting mad game she was the one to blame, for my lame attempts to be hip, but she caught on to the scheme, and added into a theme intitled "you & me".

somethings new

im sitting among a sea of familiar faces, connected through old and new relations, conversations of empty revelation and one thing i keep contemplatin is what has me feeling so impatient to just walk up and gather my thoughts and things because this.just.isnt.my.scene. and do ya know what i mean?

i just cant submerge myself under mindless configurations, so i think its about time i make my escape and break. away from this crowd, the lack of luster seems to be growing to loud for my liking, n sometimes great minds don't think a like so i'll do us a favor and save the heartache for later.

held back from this stress? yes

better than the rest? no

am i better than the rest? maybe

you a bit to ahead of yourself. so?

i keep repeating to myself i deserve better, in every sense of the word, but to my dismay those phrases are never heard, to the listening ear my thoughts go deaf, left to collect dust, like a doll on the shelf, so cleshay that line, so behave that behind, this girl is out of line, got me goin out.of.my.mind

a desire to move away, so far away has long been my craving, but failed attempts at scrimping and saving, leaves me with a painstaking, heart breaking, realization that maybe this isnt the way to leave today.

i deserve the best damnit! im not asking for a sundae with cherries on top! just a few scoops of freakin ice cream!. the lack of respect i receive from my fellow peers makes me scream! I feel unnoticed like a fly on the wall, unfazed as people pass through. Is my presence felt? or merely forgotten, never to be dealt.with.

lethargic

pause it

im melting away from this dull moment.

A (and all)

i walked the pike to grab your heart

tricked by lies now i fell too far

traced the path for you once more

ventured deep in the woods to heal the sores

i yell for help

i scream for peace

your hand i felt

then the touch of a sudden release

i only complied when you gave me key

felt hurt, felt pain, still can not leave

mystery holds to the first position

sleepless nights remain in remission.

i yell for help

i scream for peace

your hand i felt

then the touch of a sudden release

♥

tedious

infamous killer filler of the passion and grasp em when you grab them cuz i dont think they can really fathom what we got. take a shot in the dark, a stride down the park, and lurk at the jokes who blows smokes and smurks cuz those to fail to belive are just jerks. i nod in agreeance and pass blessing to the highest bein and seein you do those things you do make me just......damn.

i contemplate the melody to uphold the rivalry against the everlasting nausious, cauious methods to make the great feel faint since im the newest true guru, schedule an appointment and let my words swim through you. slither like a snake attach like a leech, i form a non compatible speech that speaks to the hearts that screetch from lost parts of the soul light up a bowl, and throw all cares to wind, never fear im here to defend and mend that broken heart.

your past lover did you wrong, your much more than a casual silhouette thong, gentle kisses accompanied by a cool breeze, freeze that frame picture perfect, took a day off simply cuz your worth it, jerk it, slurp it, workin up the courage to make our love surface, ill admit, im kind of a nervous pervous, a tad bit pervy, better hurry, times runnin out, master scout to scoop out the best route that leads to our private getaway, get. a.way. from here.

all i wanna hear is sounds of the waves mash with your skin, blissful, so kissable, intangible, lets do the unthinkable, and sink to the bottom of the potion, enough lovin to fill the red ocean. red sea it be but i'll take a quick break if need be, but feel free to kneel and gasp for air, never fair in this self world but..girl.

oh.girl.

doo-bop

skit skat, pitter-pat, slap the pavement jack, its all about the hype and jive, once again left on 52nd street to move and play the blues, skip to the lou my darling, its gonna be a lovely day.

i move down the promenade to wrap arms around polls and take strolls down memory lane, this doo wop and beat bop has me feeling just a little bit, calmer than I've been and right now I'm all down to the hip skip to the lou my darling, its gonna be a lovely day.

its all that jazz man! that jazz man plays it so well i pray he never ends, string of the cords, thumb the bass blended melody fills my heart with much needed grace and boy oh boy i feel the need to skip to the lou my darling, its gonna be a lovely day.

JD

it plays over n over again like a pendulum that swings, and these thing i cant keep inside any longer.my flesh grows weak but style gets stronger, these voices in my head tell me to leave it for dead, but, so eager my body reacts to the callin, let your head fall in to my lap and dib dab, nibble at your feet, a soft subtle nuzzle that speaks to me to set your senses a blazin, im about to be grazing the thresh hold of your greatness, and camp out under the stars and soon this will be by far the best night to capture your heart.

hypnotized, catapult me to better, whether it be the now or later i feel that you and i should be sensually engulfed by the passion make it happen n next night we'll make it happen again, n again, n again. repetitiveness seems to be my nature, so if you came once, why not once more , lay on the floor, shut the door, poor mahogany, it seems to be a break in the foundation, pound the pavement, slap the taste out my mouth such pure amazement, too good to be true, let me taste you once more. repetitiveness seems to be my nature, so if you came once, why not once more.

oh, wait, i said that right? i cant remember since i took flight between those silk bent mountains, hell bent on keepin the rise on, keep those heels on. slap em up left n right, see a ripple effect of the sweat that trickles down ya neck, placed so softly on the curvy slurpy slurpy, never miss a spot, got a secret stash box, where we keep the last drop of the love we made.

i command thee to command me to do anything you need..

take the ropes high hopes of a marathon style, meanwhile we'll get it on. marvin gaye said it best while im restin on ya chest, unzip them 7 jeans n let the seams beam from the top of the fixture, get the picture?

she's.... on my mind. ..she's... on my mind.....she ...is ...on ...my ...mind.

neon lights

as i stand on the corner, blow smoke from my mouth, i, glance to the side of my waist and see this face unknown to me but oh so familiar this be. i grow tired from the weary walks in the dark but electric rain keeps me alive so yet i dive head first into a pool of my own self built misery. install the thoughts in my head and program them to play on repeat. the greatest touch has been touched by the dozens but still i get nothin.

mind reader, thought provoker, all i want.. is her.

where she is, i do not know

but beneath the pain my love is below.

******************

i lost what was never mine

it vanished from my hands like lost time

if there were only a sign

but fluttered images and unwanted distances keep me from the edge to cross the line

submerged in fright since the day we fought the urge to give in and...sin

lips touch from the heat, escaped space from the beat, glossy the skin..... and so we begin

enchanted the journey, dark the path, but our eyes light up and caress i shall

i can hold out due to doubt for so long lets not prolong the inevitable that is I to taste the edible

flesh is weak. its you i seek, the bleak is for the weak so strong i become to help you...cum.

devour every spot in more than an hour, tik tok against the clock, unravel the mystery send chills down your back left you in a pool so wet, forgive me.

lost my train of thought get back to the pg

it is thee that has me shuck to the core, knees wobble from the motion of her killer potion

pull me in closer, n closer, its undeniable the sparks have you wantin me to come over, n over, n over again, like i said pull me in, real me, deal me, seal me with a kiss, just like that its a synch. Got me hooked, first catch of the night and im snatched like bate was it fate?

nah, just a look , just a glance, then a flash of the pants, giggle for minute release ya endorphins, the endogenous, ones that got ya speechless umm, may i say you look lovely today, as really any other day. but girl.... my girl just your luck to pass my way.

this shit has gotten way to heavy, mind trapped by thoughts of the despicable, the lickable, the oh.my.god.i.think.i.am.a.bout.to....

speak of the end would make me feel miserable so i keep it comming of the top, the night never stops even when the clock drops down to its final hour.. i could mention the shower , but heavy D took over the keys and implanted the rhymes of the sensual scenery of what needs to be.

confidence is key in every delivery, so deliver that fine ass over to me and lets map out a plan, escape route, great getaway, breathless trips. when its all said and done its just the tip.of.the.ice.burg..

you've yet to have heard what i'm accustomed to, never assume, that theres room for 2 just.assume.the.po.si.tion. and take this kiss for the givin.

repeat.

tap toes blood flows through my heart, to jump-start the pattern of rhythmic rhymes and lines to express my deepest concerns of the things that burn my soul, pour into this world everything that i hold close, but never boast of the gifts that lift me from this place to grace the feet of greatness would be my biggest fate.

i dream of all the things you try to say, so get out of our way, today is the big day to mask the pain, and gain the victory and one up this misery, do a dance take a glance into the future for her i'd go to the ends of the earth and back because just like that, i'm left to play this track on repeat, defeat the dark demons that keep me from being me.

simple and short so import your best knowledge in the database and save face if you forget your place, but one day i'll be able to misplace the nay sayers and be the slayer of the no do gooders and if i should shutter into the darkness then mark that grave as the solider who never knelled before her and forgave her. I stand tall and firm and learn from the past and laugh at all that have yet to understand the most impeccable plan. Never you mind, just fall behind because great minds think of a different kind. Unknown to the usuals we extend the greatest visuals and send them into a portal unlike the deranged insane into a mind-frame of impeccable fame.

over and out.

everything in its right place

tainted thoughts distorted visions, impaired judgement, sustained living.

take hold of the goals you've placed for yourself, soon it'll all be over but before you know it

everything will be in its right place.

offerings of sacrifice, illusions of hope from an unmarked grave, givin in now, no time to regain control due to the unrelenting sufferings of our people but before you know it

everything will be in its right place.

all together now

days awake in an insomniatic state, seeing visions of the future distorted in a blur, puzzle pieces fall to the ground as i pick them up to pull my mind together. whether you and i or they and them its all a gamble left playing of a whim.

i never said i had the master key, just a pad to jot the clues to the mystery. if you should so happen to follow me i'll return the favor in an abundant supply of love , so sign your name on the dotted line, then kiss the dove.

the musical inclination of this deadly sensation has my mind on a the prowl to make a proclamation, that one day we will rise as a nation. So cease the day in exclamation! participation, is the only explanation for the this dull exploration.

a play on words a play for the birds, a play for the sense, while teetering on fences, making decisions, my blowing you kisses, 1 shot left 2 misses, in the dark, left them at the park so venture too far. bye bye birdie is the song in my head, left for dead in the city by the sea, incompatible to me we be, so free if you just let it be. so. what do you... say

a one track mind left on repeat, left to defeat the misery of the luster of luxury

a one track mind left on repeat, left to engage in a battle to uncover the symphony

a one track mind left on repeat, left to suffer the injustice of this so called American Dream

one track left

because its tonight or never

mission accomplished

better than ever.

just fighting my soul

senseless acts committed

tuck the moon into the ground

too far away to stay away

sleepy this face must be so sweet the sound

when nights go mute its the end of the story

glow in the pathway light it up is the only way

just fighting my soul in this hollow mess

such a fool for taking my hearts place

just walk towards the light because misery is the key

sun climbs up to regain victory of this nightly distress

remain a prisoner of this earth so that i too may feel again

to win the war means to loose the toss up

so give up now because i have nothing left.

senseless acts committed

so far to see the bliss but to you my dear...

i blow this kiss.

rhythm nation

rhythm nation up against the war, panting hearts pound the floor, because this our moment! our time to shine above the crack, paint it black to know we mean business. never met a man that made sense so today we walk as one, side by side till the job is done.

never let a man do a womans job, let us save the world one beat at a time, the rhythm nation arises to set forth a movement, to take back what was ours, this land, this great land of love, liberty, and sex. just for the kicks ill throw in a few dicks, we all need help, so yell out from the top of your lungs that the best has begun, we won!

victory is claimed in our name, not just for the fame but for humanity, humility, we will graciously bow to no one. and we mean no one. read our lips, we bury the shit, so grab the shovel and start digging, a soul exposed is a spot missing, cover up the lies to keep the flies from being their demise. i say to thee that we are the chosen people, we live to be equal, don't less than 3 me, i demand you greet me with nothing more than energy. show me your love with a fist full of that stuff that dreams are made of.

throw it in the air, watch it fall like the hopes of the dead, whose been fed lies today? i say the way this world is caving in were all destined for sin. this..... just... in.

GIVE..IN.

nodding my head to the flow of the beat its the pulse that keeps me going whenever i feel the mood has struck cant stop the flow even if i was dead, no second hand mission to be completin, i have a one man army walking with me. his name is ...shut the fuck up! don't ask questions. he speaks when spoken to. the woman in charge just told you. she walks to the beat of her own, so would you care to join her?

am i ready? (7-24-05)

± I sit and think. if this is it why do i feel there is more to come?

I pace back and forth wondering. is there more that im just not seeing?

I contemplate. i know theres more i just know it, i can feel it

All theses I's in my head keep second guessing me into a world of my own

Confusion of wat lies a head of me, parts of me not yet discovered.

excitement builds up like a wave of light. pulses run through me, i've been

wanting to live, needing to live, craving to live, Would u think that i've lived

yet is it my time to shine? talents, desires, wishes, giftes, longings, all at my

feet. No more pipe dreams, no more tales of the dreamer, no more

priceless talks. give me my time, give me life. I can't wait another hour...

minute...second..............................* it's a girl * CHAPTER

1 begins ‡

pitter pat

pitter pat on the roof as i glide in each room waiting for you to make a move, the lights turned down reflection on the ground of the love we once made too hard to make but once again it haunts me of the pain we made, so im left to say i lost myself in right and wrong it's been too long to feel so damn good but ill be the one to go because i know i should

pitter pat on the roof as i glide in each room waiting for you to do what is it we were made to, but never let go because its too soon for you to make the move out the door you go so no longer will i cry for more, but where ever you may lay your head tonight remember that i'll leave on the light, instead i'll endure this fight, if you should say you will wait i can promise a new day to break, pain takes my hearts place , sitting in a doubtful fate that awaits the painstaking certainty of the nothing you will leave me.

leave me behind, too much to bare

leave me behind, too much unfair

leave me behind, to you i swear

i hear

pitter pat on the roof, in disguise it shows the love that was promised this lonely soul but to bare this cross alone i can not so

leave me.

for you

It's no wonder when the skies turn to the thunder it's your way of saying it's time to surrender. Stubborn ways never pay at the end of the night I pray that you'll stay. You assist in my awakening, everything is so real and yet too much to feel. If I can make this move into the next realm I'll feel how you touch me but to venture too close takes the mystery off the ways in which you seem to bless me at every corner.

You flow through me like the sand to the sea and for thee I give you me. Others can't see that glory that u posses. But in due time they will know there are no others above the rest. I speak with my heart open ready to partake in this current blessing, but everyday is a blessing, so no need in stressing. I use to think why me? why her? why now? I won't lie I doubt. But all it takes is a simple brush of wind to know that you still and forever will exist.

why is it that..

every time i see your face smile, i find myself struggling for words?

why is it that..

every time you doubt the beauty you posses i find myself wanting to hold you in my arms?

why is it that..

every time you speak wisdom not of this world, i fall in awe of amazement?

why is it that..

every time we're together, i think how lucky i am to walk right beside you?

maybe it's because theres something telling me that your worth exploring.

maybe it's because you're the risk I'm willing to take.

maybe it's because I've fallen for less so I'm ready this time

who knows unless i try, right?

well give me a try and if you're not satisfied, I'll gladly step aside and aid in your quest to find the best, so rest your pretty little head on my shoulder because it's getting colder out there with no one to hold, so be bold and take that chance. I say we dance, just like we did that night. It felt so new it had to be right. I won't give up and settle for lame, It's you who I want to tame.

confused?

Why yes, thank you for the acknowledgement. Conversations with a fellow friend of random odds n ends is the best kind of time spent. I came to her with problems in my hand and laid them on the table to blame the man. She told me theres no hope in false accusations so I reshuffled my hand and explained the situations.

They're very simple you see, I'm a girl who likes girls, who likes girls, who likes girls, that look like boys. See? Well if you didn't get it how hard can it be? once more from the top, one, two, three. I'm a girl, who likes girls, who likes girls, who look like boys.

I can't make it any simpler if I tried to. So if your still there for a listen I thank you. I'm really not that complicated because I hide it well. When i was younger I took apart a pencil sharpener and put it back together again. Was that random? oh well.

Because girls like it when I make their toes curl, but unfurl the emotion from the bottom of the ocean so time can unwind from refined to rural. New age element is what we're living in, happiness disguise through sin, but don't give in too soon, not yet a full moon, to set your heart a blazin, isn't it amazing? how one girl can fool you? I thought about it the other day, when she glanced my way. I said "hey!" She looked away, but to my dismay she came to sit by me, bought me some coffee. We conversed over her converse, black they were, mysterious as her persona, but I could still smell the aroma of the honessty she portrayed when she gave me a kiss. This, this is what dreams are made of, left to bask in the sun, roll around have some fun, time is endless when your in love.

Love is a word

rarely heard

since we crush the dreams

of things unseen

it's gone from our eyes

but merely in disguise

so check your pockets

for rockets and sockets

and fix that glitch

to make it appear

because here

is a word

that is rarely heard.

Thank You.

what it feels like for a girl

Those feelings go unheard when the same is preferred. Bottle up the emotions to keep things steady a floatin but I cant promise the glass won't shatter because I'm only human but to you that doesn't matter so when I leave for the fifth time you better not come after, tears down my face confused with laughter.

Questions build up from this mess of misery, what am to do? suppose to do? is it her? or me? well I don't know, she never said say anything, so don't plan that trip just from your assuming. I'd like to call it planning ahead but walking the streets dark and alone will have me dead. "I feel so stupid!" since when did I even feel? It's better to go back to trusting no one since the theory of happily ever after isn't real.

Fables and lies stuffed with ooo's and aahh's, make children grow up believing they can make it if they try because isn't it just the two of us? the two of us can make it, if we try? Thats that song that made me wanna go on a rampage, the next chapter is a mystery to me too so just turn the next page.

I think better when i'm silent and focused like a cheetah on the kill, only difference with that is he seeks that thrill of tearing out the heart of his prey. I only wanted you to stay. Just a little while longer till the hurt has healed but it's my fault right? that wasn't part of the deal.

ok, I gotcha, I'll just head on home now, I should make this my last footstep, my final bow. I can't take this shit anymore! I thought I had the upper hand! I guess I was only fooling myself...... again.