to know me.

merry go around and just now this wave of emotion hit me pound for pound and there i go down like a ton of bricks

just kick me aside but im too young to die i was meant to fly high but i barely drive by to say hi so ..

i know its only fair to leave me standing there but.. on to the next one. on to the best one. lest one tests me then she might jest be the only to die slowly and only god knows me.

i can't seem to escape this.. this empty bliss of different kisses, such scents ring a new alarm and im sorry my fair lady i mean no harm..

i cant help but travel the globe and plant my seed of lust with every being i see and gee... i kinda wish you were here with me but... on to the next one. on to the best one. lest one tests me then she might jest be the only to die slowly and... only god knows me.

know me is to leave me...alone because im better that way. i stay afloat just about sea level to leave you trouble because to play your hands its double or nothing but ill leave ya wit something.. a picture of me blowin a kiss...right... her way.

cuz like i said.

im only fed the spoon to the next lover that makes my heart swoon

but soon she'll be the past like last yesterdays trash

but no no she's so not trashy, she's the golden ticket that lifted my spirit but to have her own my heart forever had me livid.

so i said.. "give it."

cant help but travel the globe and plant my seed of lust with every being i see and gee... i kinda wish you were here with but... on to the next one. on to the best one. lest one tests me then she might jest be the only to die slowly and... only god knows me.

i cried on the bathroom floor

because the moment reality hit me i had no choice but to belt out from within till my eyes became sore. Oh, i can be such a bore with exclamations of past revelations since nothing became true and this just in, nothing is new, with me at least. I seem to be in a funk, and its pilled up to the point of a minor explosion and i hold it in and, this just in, nothing is as it should be. Well , with me at least.

i speak for myself. im stressed and yet i try to stay positive but im negatively holding on to the lack of visible possibilities. visually i see everything in line for me and it scares me to see it out of reach.

teach me, heal me, love me, touch me.

tears fall on a pad in mid sentence and hence the hurt begins. blood flows down every row of pre-mapped sorrow so fall in line and spare the rest of the hurt and excuses but lets try not to be useless in a world of over exposed usage and you said that everything would be ok.

that word never slipped past me so easily, the sound of such a word that rung in my ear and hear me clearly when i say that that IM NOT OK.

and yes, i hear you loudly when you define the meaning of life in pre-approved pathways if we just say let it be but thats just not for me.

i like to be worry free but thats just not for me.

i like to see me happy but as of now thats just not for me.

and for the time being im praying, wishing, hoping, that every second im on this earth i can feel that much happier than the moment previous and make up for lost time i could have spent running free and.. well... happy.

this just in, im out.

A.S.

what needed to be said was spoken, and the last thing that rung true may have left a heart broken. if not for the truth then the mending process would cease to exist. but that doesn't fade away the feelings for that longing kiss.

no sudden change in emotions from tense to relax, i just sit back in a pensive state and contemplate the destruction that left me with a lack of air to grasp.

i wonder whats on her mind and at times feel estranged to arrange a soft melody to play along those fallen tears and to hear her say those things only brings me to the dreadful conclusion that.... maybe it was an illusion.

that maybe everything i longed and hoped for was so far away for a reason.

because the space it takes for me to travel the world and search for your heart leaves me with that same time span to understand that i can't have everything i wanted and i thought of it.. last night when i took flight in the clouds and came crashing down and all that surrounded me was... nothing.

im all alone to grow, to think in my on fortitude and how rude of anything to think that i have came so far as to be the only one whose left this place with the feeling of a job not well done.

so much to do in a sense that i feel overwhelmed and at the same time i feel as though time stops when i get butterflies and a wave of sighs pass my by...

im not happy, not complacent even.

im just trying to understand this feelin of .. of what have i done?

has a new chapter begun in the element of what has yet to become? of us?

im trying to trust in everything that i can believe in and yet again this moment has arose that pushes me at a crossroad of peace or sin.

how you see me as something for the future i may never know.

i guess thats something that God will reveal and show.

to me a blessing so good i sometimes can't see..

until it's too late and it's left me in the wind with regret and misery.

i just hope that this isn't one of those races, where im chasing the dream only to get passed up by reoccuring faces, such as defeat, loss, and what is the cost when you give up in the end?

thats a question i'd rather not answer.

just say at the end of the day that with all my faults you will still see me as that human being you feel in like with and i promise that i'll return the favor with an endless supply of kisses...

if that should not be enough then for you i'll extend my deepest love.

W.I.M.

woah. is. me.

in other words living on a whim.

at this moment in time it's either sink or swim

and if im down for the win then real me in.

neck and neck up to my chest

pressure so thick this time im not my best

im lacking clear judgement overdue for a rest

at every corner i face tragic confusion

is this optimism just a mire illusion?

or am i just prepping for a cosmic fusion?

so simple i play my hand

but too simple it may be can lead to a fallen man

solider, hold her.

i can't.

i want to.

kiss you, touch you.

i can't.

obstacles r getting in the way

sadly they are things i must pay..

for this might be the only way

that i can communicate my desire to ...

take you higher.

delay this flight

because i might...just.

bust.

a folding hand has been placed in front of my threshold

and still i know that i must soon mold tobyour shape and thank the heavens above that soon you could be my love.

BUT.

woah. is. me.

i just want to feel free.

but sadly.

it is I.

me.

who stands in the way of my highly anticipated victory.

f ups, and downfalls seem to await me at a crack in the path

and you do the math.

what is there for a girl who walks along half weak and half strong?

i push it aside in stride of my pride and break only once, and trust me when i say that i rarely stay that way.

my problems my own, only my mind left to condone, for the stupid decisions that have caked me so. will i overcome them? someone has to know.

and if so,

is it possible

to relay the answer to this long lost soul.

because i too feel the need to grow.

evolve from this mind and find the right kind of elevation that helps me escape this wretched procrastination and horrid nation.

forgive me for such an ill planned plot i just felt the need to jot down what had me, well, down...