so, i finally found a girl to write about no doubt she has my feelings so deep i can sink to bottom if thats where she wants me no need in floatin to the top. tik tok goes the clock when time passes by i think of a new high a new cloud 9 to sit on dreams go on n on. i day dream about her and only see the vison of the future where im sittin on the porch sippin tea gettin smakced by the breeze but to me thats where i wanna be.

you and i can make it cuz i said so. dont question my flow. just hold my hand let me lead n follow. i kiss your forehead to calm the sparks in ur belly you start to shake like jelly no need to worry r u ready? im about to take you on a journey filled with laughter and luxury.

send the packege off first class take a dash to the ends of the earth n back i got skills that could land us a four star suite without leavin the pad. wonder how? well its simple. i kiss your dimple you fall into a coma wake up to sensual aroma of my best cookin you savor the flavor but stop now girl save some for later.

i show you to your oasis you close eyes you blink once blink twice seems as though we in a dream filled with familiar faces. all your favorite characters come to life in a single flash of dreams differemt themes pop up like a page turner 1st scene next scene whats it gonna be.

"baby are you up? im not done yet. weve got lost more in store before the sun sets." i got a surprise so just close your eyes and follow the sound of my voice dont tamper with the evidence dont make too much noise. its sound asleep its in too deep when the time comes we'll awake it make it everything we want it to be. we'll make our dreams a reality.

anything for you, i may not have much but innovation mixed in with my imagination can trigger just the spot to give you that "woah" sensation. i mean what i say when i say it and its true. id give my life just for you. you make me see what the world hides from me

sensational

i feel a strange sensation sort of a tingly sensation because for her i'd give a standing ovation. She means that much to me cant you see? I feel theres a need for competition to stay ahead of her.

Reason is I like the look of surprise on her face when she sees what I hand her. It's your favorite flower with a million milkshakes but they can never match the sweetness you give me and the butterflies i feel. tell me this is real.

I've learned to take it day by day but to say I cant wait to kiss you would go against what i've been taught. Because the future has me feeling distrought due to the fact that I have to wait. I'm the impatient type that likes to keep all the goodies for myself so forgive me if i pull u closer and kiss you like they do in the movies i just wanna feel what they feel after they seal the deal. Lets seal the moment with a hug and a bye bye but im counting the second to once again be able to say hi.

Those nights needed to recharge my battery only makes sense so i can waste myself on you. I'd be glad to have an extra serving of whatever your dishing up good or bad becasue at the end of the day i can still say we were together.

5 minutes without talking feels like an eternity of hell check my vital signs for a dizzy spell i feel too weak to think of another fraction of a second that kept you away from my arms. i gotta calm myself but all signs point to green i must be dead because everyone around me sees red.

this is one the few artists i respect in music period..

this is why

i think of a certain someone when i listen to this

:)

rainy day fashion

im getting older (today is my 21st birthday..just saying) and im starting to tolerate the rain. I have no choice but to seeing as it always rains on my Birthday. No disrespect to the Pear harbor Veterans (Dec 7th is the anniversary of pearl Harbor) but i think that day is cursed. it ALWAYS rains.. never fails.

so.. with that said i need to get use to the rain and try to welcome it with open arms. i say just because its raining that doesn't mean you can't dress fashionable. if anything it gives you a chance to layer, show off your goodies (clothing), and express your more creative side.

im simple but i like to layer. I wore 2 basic colors: black & pomegranate

Matte Faux Leather jacket from American Appearl, pomegranate v-neck from American Appearl, black boots from Nordstroms rack, and black skinnies from H&M.i also added a multicolored mocked floral scarf that i found at forever 21. its like a Persian rug filled with colors! i love it. personally i like to have mostly one color on as a neutral then ad a dash of something. i think it sets off the outfit but not in an obnoxious way.

its kind of a drag.. get it? drag? because u have to drag down to see these clothes? lol.

im a dork.

anywho.. so thats what i wore today.

simple. i had other things but those were more accessories than anything.

happy rainy day

:)

la música el arte del amor

i'm trying to expand my spanish speaking abilities. My girlfriend wont teach me becasue she says she doesnt like her accent. i love it! but anywho thats not the point of the posting.

the point of this post is like the title says "la música el arte del amor" the music the art the love.

im all about those 3 in every way shape and form. I express my love of music through art on my body. i express my art through writing with music. i express my music through the art of dancing and humoring others.

i love all 3 for 3 simple reasons. they fulfill their duty to the fullest (if you allow it to). music can be the defining moment of your day whether it be turning a frown upside down or pumping you up to burn off those calories you stuffed at thanksgiving. Music can also be a way to express your love of someone, something, and or someplace.

"Quiero que la música sea mi cura" i want music to be my cure.

art is one of the best outlets for any form of emotion. art to me is an umbrella of which everything you do can constitute as art. the blessing about art is that there is no concrete definition of it. it's an outlet.. for YOU; to do, say, write, create, blog (lol), paint, sing, mesh, blend, sculpt, carve, sketch, whatever your heart desires.

"Quiero que mi arte para inspirar al mundo" i want my art to inspire the world

the saying "love is a loosing game" sung so lovely my Amy Winehouse, is something i dare not believe. To me love is the basic essence that molds many things together. Now you may say "love didnt make him stay", or "if love is so strong why didn't he love me back?" Love is fluid. which means its constantly moving. I see it as God. When you need him he's there, it may not be when you want it to be but he's there. Love is there when you need it the most. You may not like the way its being shown or how slow its growing to have an impact on you specifically, but its there. it's tricky. Love is something worth putting up a fight for.

"me amas" love me

:)

do you know me?

because if you do you'd know that i love John Mayer. My love runs so deep he's forever on my body for life (i have the chorus to Heart of Life tattooed on the outskirts of both my arms).

His new album Battle Studies is out now and is a bit different from his past albums. He's evolved and it shows. many will say "i dont like it", "it's not the old John". Well i for one like every kind of John that has been out there for the public to see. the "sweet innocent guitar playing" John, the "i'm in the spot light a little bit more than usual and am dating jennifer anniston" John, the "i'm going to have a second band with a different style" John. All of these John's i love and will always love. Its a short album ( i no like) but thats ok.

all in all i give it 8.59 out of 10

heres a song im addicted to and you should grow to be as well

I'm seeing this time as a test

I'd say top 5 tests in fact. I'm going through some extreme financial struggles of which i don't think Ive ever been through in my life before. Major setbacks. I don't know if the Lord is saying something or if its just how life panned out but its something.

One minute i find myself saying the dependent old phrase "it's going to be ok, just let it go, it is what it is, play the cards you've been dealt and live with it." and on and on.. ya know.

And on the other hand i find myself saying the depressing old phrase "why me?, I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm so alone, this fucking sucks! theres nothing i can do, it's not gonna better, no one can help me." and on and on.. ya know.

so the problem is.. which do i go with? well I've gone with both. Sometimes at the same time. How you ask? well I'll say "it's going to be ok but I'm so alone", or "it is what it is but why me?!" get it now?

i find balance like that is good and bad. Like as i type this i don't know where to fall. do i stay optimistic (as i look at my calendar in my phone at all the things i have to do)?, or do i worry saying the same thing over and over and fall into a vicious cycle until i am finally able to come up for air and the same time worry about when I'll be able to come for that breath of air?

see?.. its flipping hard.

right now I'm at the "meh... it fucking sucks, i don't know what to do.. theres nothing i can do but i wanna do something about it so bad!" stage..

ill just keep writing, doing to school work and live each day taking what comes, good and or bad.

:/ & :)

My AffairLady

I'd like to have more than an affair with this woman but that's just for starters. Eliza Dushku is sensational in every way. From her younger days as an outcast cheerleader in "Bring It on" to her own show debut show on Fox 11 "Dollhouse", She has grown to be a very beautiful and seductive lady.. and i like ;)

my bike

ok so i was contemplating whether i should get this or not and i thought about it... why not? i mean i'm already covered with them so might as well add the part of me that i love so dearly to the collection. I was looking around for the kind of image i wanted and came across a funky yet simple drawing of one. i liked it an initially planned to get just that. but at the last minute i changed my mind and went with this..

some would say this is stupid.. & to those i say ... fuck you. lol jk. but no i say if u love it, if its something that's special to you, why not? i see my body as a canvas for art and by golly im gonna use up every inch of space i have left to express to world who i am and what i stand for!

and it begins..now

I'm not gonna make this too personal but my life right now has taken a turn like a typical page in a teen movie. Where the child no longer can handle living at home and packs up everything they have and leaves...well folks... that's me lol. I'm going to write in every now and then just to clear my head. I'm not going to make this like some sort of last note for my friends in case they never see me again because that will not happen.

yes I'm at rough patch right now but things will get better. (Keep telling myself.."it could always be worse.") I'm going to make it.. this is a much needed lesson that needs to be learned. And in my case learned the hard way. And I'm OK with that. It sucks like a hell but there is nothing i can do about it. I made my bed now i have to lay in it.

I'm 20 years old....20! its about time i get my shit together!

if people younger can do it and in worse conditions i certainly can do it.

stay up, be positive, have hope
:)

ok soo.... basically this is top notch ish!

nothing really to say.. the pic says it all

;}

what should i wear?

i ask this question because its really complicated.. what kind of white top to wear (to me friends birthday party; its a night party on his roof top, casual but the attire is white?.. I'm not a girly girl (anyone who knows me can tell you that :])

so i want to wear a button down white top with beige cotton slacks.

something like this

its a rough idea of what im going for lol

i think it should work

:)

when i get older....

i wanna develop a style like Ellen DeGeneres.

like her i find myself wearing simple outfits. I've yet to be in a setting were a suit is necessary but i cant wait to bust out the ties and whatnot!

tattoos!

a girls best friend!..well at least i think so lol.

if u ever have a sugar momma I'd only need them for one thing and one thing only....

TATTOOS! I'm on a mission to finish my left arm before i turn 21 which is in 2 months and some days :) here are a few that i have so far

my dream lover..and only that

i say only lover because we all know her character is the kind that loves then leaves.. but the sex!....O..M..G.. the sex is amazing!

I'm talking about "Shane" i need not say what show she's resigns.. she's amazing! beautiful! androgynous! and everything i want to be! lol

what is it about?...

the beach that just makes you forget what you've previously done in the day and what you have to do afterwards?

i find myself just giving into the rays of the sun (despite my skin tone..but I'm safe SPF 50!), warm sand cool breeze, little sneaky birdies, (who i admire for the diligence in coming across those last crumbs in your Cheetos bag) and your friends (or if your alone..even better)

what we cant control

- the people we come in contact with
- the people we fall for
- the people we impact

i say that in light of feeling that not only i have experienced but many people; people i know personally and just through observation. Its a remarkable thing when you can connect with someone in a purely platonic level and then through random activities your bond becomes thicker and stronger.

what i mean by this is something i call (and I'm sure other people call it this too) "random friendships."

i think these are the best to come by. Granted having a best friend since you popped out of the womb is nice but not everyone is so fortune to be blessed with such a gift lol. me personally having a best friend or a just a friend since i was little has not been manageable since i moved around a lot. That's not to say i haven't had friends (i didn't live under a rock), i made wonderful friends but through my moving around keeping those friendships in tact became a little complicated. But that's not what this blog entry is about. (stay on topic catrina.)

random friendships happen at the most simple of moments. for example i have a friend (we'll call her sally..i don't think she wants her name on the Internet.) I met sally through her (at the time) girlfriend. it was a simple "hi, how are you" kind of moment. Didn't think i' really even hang out with her seeing as i didn't really talk to her girlfriend to begin with. Well they broke up and i though nothing of but "aw, that sucks well you'll find better..blah blah blah.."sally was friends with another friend of mine so through random events we started to hang out together. And by hang out i mean she was just there with us and i would occasionally make small talk as i always do.

long story short we ended up hanging out a lot more with just one another then the whole group. I even have her number memorized! that's hard in this generation. seeing as we immediately store the number under their name and never look at the number again. so that says something!

all I'm saying is, you never know who will come in contact with and where those connections will take you.

nothing is forced....well except for that 4 bean burrito you had last night that is demanding a date with the toilet lol.

so i say to anyone who reads this ... open your arms to all the possibilities out there! good or bad theres always something to learn from the experience!

you have my permission to do so

:}

small world...dont believe me?

well listen to this <--how cle-shay does that sound?

anywho, i had my human service class today and there is a student who is deaf who has 2 interpreters.

let me set the backdrop (very brief.) My school is in fullerton california, i live in long beach california in the downtown area (im not worried about anybody planing to hunt me down on here so i can say where exactly if i want to.) now back to the story

one of the interpreters....lives in my building on the floor below mine!

isn't that crazy?!
what r the odds of this women not only living in my area but living in my exact building? you may find that about as amazing as a lady crossing the street all in one piecee but for me...oh...oh for me its insane!, out of this world!

that just goes to show that the world is not as big as we take it for granted to be.

random sidenote: we really should take care of ourselves more, health wise and emotional..wise idk if thats right but u get what i mean.

so yeah. that was random and i had to blog about it.




wow...i said i had to "blog" about it. how weird..
i love me


and you should love yourself too!

:}

therapy?...me?.....nah

yeah, thats what everyone says, (or if not says is thinking) but in all honesty, if you dont go to therapy or seek some form of outsde help (aside from your dog, pastor, and aunt sylvia,) then i can't consider you normal.

to me a therapist is the friend that no one wants to talk to but secretly everyone knows has the right answers. And by answers i dont mean that they tell you what to do. Becasue that is something they do not do.

i would know...im studying to become one myself.

they simple paraphrase what you have said, arrange questions in ways that get you thinking about yourself, and hve you say the solution yourself. All they are there for is to listen.

now i know you may think... "then what the hell am i paying somebody to listen to problems for when i can to my friends?"

well with your friends they can give bias solutions. Solutions that may be good for them but problematic for you. Therapists come from a mindframe of right nor wrong. Ever wonder when you ask them something and you say ".......right?" that they then ask you "....well do you think it's right?" this is all to get you to understand your own thoughts.

otherwise you wont get anywhere on your own when you depend on others to think for you. Life..my friend, does not operate like that.

so today..i say..

r u crazy?!
go see a therapist
you'd be insane not to go


:}

love.....oh here we go

OK so I'm not going to talk about love but a subcategory of that.

like, infatuation, admiration, all these are stepping stones to love(OK so i lied..i am talking about it lol.)

this is what we all feel while falling in love.

well I'm not at that stage yet. in fact I'm far from it but where i am at in my substage of getting to love is infatuation. I hate saying the word crush but that's what I'm doing right now. And the worst part about it is I'm "crushing" on a girl. my friend who tells me in order to get over her you should stop being friends with her.

that's just selfish!

another says stop the 1 on 1 hanging out time....again

that's just selfish!

why should i deprive her of being a friend of mine and spending time with me? i don't think that's far to either of us. We are great friends.

But OK... what I'm getting at is the art of like is very complex. Its almost like poker. You have to know which hand to play and when to play them. Sometimes you have to discard a few players in order to win but eventually you get a great hand.

right now I'm not a great poker player.. in fact I've only played.....never. but everyone has to start sometime right?

well... I'm hoping that with a few more practices and few hands that ill finally have the perfect hand.



:}

a handful

is the title of an old song by Escape. I'm not sure if the spelling is correct but you understand what i mean. its the basic spelling of that word lol.

anyway, i anted to just rant about the people in out lives. It seems like more and more we find ourselves at crossroads with our friends (if it's just me then ignore this post.)

i found myself questioning every friend i have, and ya know what? I've come to realize that i have very few honest trustworthy friends. I have a small handfull (the size of a 5 year olds hand.) And to tell you the truth, im happy with that. I use to think that having thousands of friends are going to make you happy.

1. you can make yourself happy...in many..many ways ;)
2. not every friend you have is going to be there for you. Sometimes they're ment to be there temporarily to connect you to better people.
3. who wants thousands of friends? thats too many people to please.

life is to rare and precious to spend worrying about stupid things and stupid people. I'm sorry that sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be. I'm learning that all i need are hanful (if that) of close true friends to keep me going through life.

and hey.. if you'd like to be apart of the circle..show me that your not like everyone else i nthe world that takes from the tree of life without growing a seed in return and i'll give you shot

:}

what is it about cafes?

i live near one about 3 block down but i choose to bike to another cafe about 20 minutes away. I love the energy they give. It's as if they're screaming for you to leave your own couch and sit gult free on theirs.

dont get me wrong i love it! when i need to study i find myself coming to a cafe. The music, the smell of coffee (of which i don't drink), the people, the cozy environment; this all scream welcome! my home is your home (although im not sure if ur allowed to take off your shoes.)

Anywho i digress, i love cafes. And by that i don't mean starbucks, or its a grind. Nothing against the chain coffee shops, but i dont feel the personal sentamental value of a small coffee shop nestling on the corner of a busy street.

point being..support your local coffee shops.
:}