What the fuck

Bitter thoughts creep through the crack from time to time.
Almost to say "hey! Don't forget what you don't have!"

A fucked up reminder of the choice I made. But it was a good choice right? Be strong my friend and believe in the unseen. Have faith in the unknown. Accept what's not yours.

All of these things are suppose to be what keeps you going right?
Wrong.


They remind me of what I don't have. I'm reminded of the darkness I faced when I was 10; Flashbacks of being alone in my room waiting for someone to come. I'm reminded of what I don't have.

I'm without what I had so much of. I'm filled with this thing I'm readily able to give.
I long for the right one. I long for anyone.

Again. Moments of bitterness seem to linger more and each day.

Lust

Confess your sins.
Spill your deepest regrets upon my chest.
Trust in my heart to soak up the hurt.
Forever blurt out your love to me.

Confess your sins.
I lust to nothings you've consumed.
I lust for everything you can't see.
I long for you and me.
My missing piece you are.
Never too far forever close enough to feel your body heat.
Let the sweat trickle down your breast.
Let it collect on my lips.

Confess your sins.
Spill your deepest regrets upon my chest.
Vowes are for the strong.
I promise nothing.
I promise only this moment.
Trying times make for the best moments.
Complete you've become without me.
Alone I sit.
In the sweat of your pain.
Your trying times with me.
It's me. I know.
So know this. I will give my last breath to lay upon your chest.
Just one more time.

When do you Know?

When do you know you've made it?
When do you know that you've finally arrived?
I sit and think on this matter for a while.
I sit till time passed by. So once its done I can rewind the clock and start over again.
Its a chess game in my own mind. Stop before it begins because we all know where death begins.
The beginning.
The beginning of it all and I haven't even left this spot at all.
if my feet fail me now then who do I have left to stand on.
time to decided how low I'm willing to go. How deep can I search within my self to find my truths.
Not yours but mine.
See what's mine is ours and what's yours is yours.
Because I'm the selfless kind.
Well in my mind I tell myself that I could be more than my dreams but my dreams are better when you're present.
And these play on words is like the play in my head.
Whose the lead role?
Lets go.
Get up.
Move.
So, when do you know you've made it?
When do you know that you've finally arrived?
when you're the last man standing. And everyone else has fallen around you.
Surround yourself with the brave.
Surround yourself with those who gave it there all.
Because to continue fighting when we we're born to die is the greatest victory above all.