still..

"Be still!" I've been told this many times in my life. it's something ive strayed far away from. how dumb right? right.

I've been so cold so many times in my life. so frozen in motion i guess you could call it to being still how dumb right? right.

"only the lonely die slowly" i use quotes to fill in the spaces of in absence of my brain coming to the plate. I'm constantly on the move to meet the whose who of this town! I can't stay still because I'll miss the next big thing! It could be my turn for.. well.. anything! No one has time to be still when thres so much to do and see and be and feel and is this real? and...

SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. STOP.

in other words.. BE STILL.

soak in the sounds around you. allow yourself to be.. still.

here you can find what is real. find how to feel. find all what needs to be seen. how dumb right?... right?.. wrong.

the truth was here all along. be as strong as you allow yourself to be and be... STILL.

These are the moments.

these are the moments where i feel the most alone. whose really to blame but my own.. self. I'm left to collect dust on the shelf amongst the forgotten. it's not often i find myself down. but its often i find myself hiding this frown. turn it around! upside down even! believe me. I've tried. I've envisioned myself flying high above the pain. above the misery that leaves me feeling so disdain from the people around me.. you can find me in the corner. clutching a wrench to fix the pieces left to be mended and if you should happen to desire my presence, then.. well.. thank you. i can't hide the stage of awkward motion I'm in right now. more than a fictional character left to find her happily ever after. again, no one to blame but myself. could that be the reason for my concentrated hate? that i have no other reason nor person to blame for this wait? that i must adhere to myself and pick up the call all on my own? maybe that's the reason that these are the moments where i feel the most alone.