i need to write...

I purposefully allow myself to become unaware of the ability I knowingly poses to control my actions and emotions. But to distance myself from the sin that rubs off like a case of the chills leaves me to wonder why even try to stay above sea level? The most pleasurable of moments occur in the blink of an eye so tape them open painful or not because I can't afford to pay for a make-believe happy moment again. I sit motionless surrounded by thick air and mudded truth to shift around in a pool of lies poured inside by the anchor that is I. Toss and turn be my friction of choice due to the agonizing frustration of my ever-changing feelings, circling like sharks up ahead on deck! get ready! time is passing like a freight train! so hop on board and pick your next destination, make up your mind quick, no one likes a delayer.

Delay another day, I'm not ready for this one yet. Theres this soul I've been trying to call, but they won't pick up the other line so I'm left holding the other end crashing into a wall approaching a pit-fall of disappointment. I'm left shuffling along the sidewalk amidst the filled shells feeling hopeless, dope-less. What keen sense of ability do I possibly posses? I've been told such fables through portals of strangers to convince me of this thing they call "personality". But at this moment, this very moment, I lack all luster to finish the glass because at the end the only thing that awaits you is disappointment of the ending. Such a cycle repeats itself till you end up cold, unconscious to awake to drink up again. Not I. I think I'll just mope for a bit till I decide when I'm ready to feel again.